In less than 10 weeks, if all goes well, I’m going to be a Dad. Up until this point in my life, I have lived my life pretty recklessly, most of the time within the lines of the law. There was that time I did get into a scuffle with a federal agent aboard a plane over Mexican air space, but that’s for another story. So as the big day nears, I transition my Google search from ‘expecting a baby’ to ‘how to change a diaper.’
I already have a ‘bonus daughter’ who is nine and already cooler than I have been or will ever be. This is the first time I have ever owned a diaper bag though, and it’s already making me slightly anxious. When we first started going for ultrasounds and the doctors asked “How are you feeling,” I immediately blurted, “Anxious and stressed out, I cant sleep.” They sort of laughed and said “We are talking to her.”
So obviously I am nervous. My nerves doubled after we published a story this week on a couple that by all standards are great parents, and thanks to a miscommunication in our local Walmart, they accidentally left their kid unattended in the shopping cart for a few minutes and got a ticket for Endangering the Welfare of a Child.
I remember one time when I was living in Brooklyn and working as a photographer for the New York Post, I was walking my faithful dog Chisa to the bodega for our morning routine and got my cup of coffee. While getting my coffee, the photo desk at work called me on a breaking news job. After I got to the scene and got my artwork into the photodesk, I got a call on my cell phone from an unknown number. It was the kid that works at the bodega speaking to me in his broken English.
‘Josh your dog chisa – she ok. but keep (sic) begging customers for bagels.”
The young lad pointed out to me that when I ran out, I had left my dog tied to the iron gate outside the store.
So prior to writing this I Googled ‘how to not forget your kid in a store.’ It’s amazing how common it is.
I’m notorious for losing keys, wallets, cell phones. Could I even lose my own kid, or forget her somewhere?
So I have running a new checklist through my head everywhere I go.
keys – check
wallet – check
cell phone – check
little baby – check
So I have a little favor – if you see my at Walmart or at Wegmans don’t call the cops. Just help me find my kid. If she’s anything like I was, then she will likely be digging out gumballs in the bulk food section.
PHOTO CAPTION: Publisher Josh Williams gone baby prepper.